A Day Out -GHOSTIE <3-

[iPepper]

The Woodplace wasn't often a place where cats went alone. Well, not in Snakewind's experience, anyway. It had been long deserted by twolegs, the grass was overgrown around it's tall edges, some medicine cat herbs grew around the area in abundance, and even the vulnerable prey had learned not to fear it, but there was an aura around all twolegs and places associated with them that made cats wary. It had been a long time since Snakewind had been around here, the last time being about a moon and a half ago on a hunting patrol. Since then he'd been doing a lot of border patrols and hunting patrols in the forest around the camp, and the occasional assist in the training of an apprentice. He'd done it all, really, and just not come by this area. Well, correction, he'd done it all except for helping the medicine cats collect herbs, as warriors sometimes did... he didn't volunteer for that. He couldn't remember the last time he had. Probably many moons ago, when the old medicine cat was still alive and he'd been looking for excuses to be around her.

That train of thought unavoidably led the tom to Willowheart, the Clan medicine cat, and once he jumped on it he couldn't get off. This was always a dangerous thing for him to let his mind linger on. He did well of avoiding it and stopping all of the bitter emotions from popping up. He was generally a loyal warrior of his Clan. He was a loyal warrior of his Clan. There was just one big issue with the Warrior Code that he didn't agree with, and hadn't agreed with since he was a young warrior. But that reasoning was biased. That reasoning was ridiculous. Nothing would ever come out of his petty little issues with the rules of the Clans. There was no point with him lingering on thoughts about Willowheart when nothing would ever come of them, anyway. She'd made her choice to be a medicine cat and to put healing ahead of him. Even with an apprentice now she wouldn't be changing her mind. It had been twenty moons since he last spoke to her, and in that time he'd done a good job of avoiding all contact with her, and yet still somehow he wasn't at all at peace with her decision. Hope was a foolish, pathetic thing...

He shook his head, focusing on the ground beneath his paws as he crept through the long grace towards The Woodplace. There was barely a noise nearby, save for the occasional rustling or branches overhead from the wind. Snakwind was in no rush to return to the camp, a bit of peace and quiet to himself in the freedom of the territory would be nice, but he still kept his ears and eyes alert for any sign of prey to bring back to the camp. He couldn't just lax off all day and accomplish nothing for the Clan.

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[GHOSTIE. ♥]

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[atrb=background,http://i56.tinypic.com/2hxy14.png] It was around midday as she left the camp in the direction of The Woodplace. She'd left Mistpaw behind to sort herbs, and decide which they would need to go out and collect tomorrow. For now, though, she knew they were running dangerously low on a very important herb - catmint. She'd been blessed to be a medicine cat of HillClan, because catmint was easy to find around The Woodplace in Newleaf and Greenleaf. She'd been so grateful when Newleaf decided to show up. All of the clans had suffered from a long and difficult Leafbare, and she was happy to see that every cat was starting to put on weight and get back to a healthy size. Every cat except her. Leafbare'd had her running her paws off constantly, and even though Newleaf had decided to show up, her work was nowhere near finished. She still had so many herbs to restock in preparation for the next Leafbare. Therefore, she had a hard time finding time to eat. Every now and then someone would bring food to her, but it wasn't their job to care for her. She came upon The Woodplace after a bit of walking and opened her mouth to scent for the catmint that should be growing. She discerned its scent easily, but there was another scent that she discerned even more easily. Snakewind. It had been so long since the two of them had even spoken, and she longed for him like it had only happened yesterday. Her heart screamed at her that she could run to him, press herself into him, and breath in his sweet scent. No one was around, no one would see. But her brain, her medicine cat instincts, screamed at her to do what she'd came to do, gather catmint. Her stores of it were desperately low, but despite herself she found her paws traveling in his direction. Before she could correct herself, she was upon him. She knew there was no way he wouldn't notice her. Neither of them were mouse-brained apprentices. Both of their warrior senses were honed and well used. She swallowed a bit, and attempted to keep the pain out of her blue eyes. She had no idea if she succeeded, but she knew she couldn't stand there staring at him like a terrified mouse. "Hello Snakewind," she whispered, looking down at her paws and scuffing them around. She forced herself to look back up at him when she asked: "How have you been?"

[/color] Her heart pounded against her ribs, and she would be surprised if he couldn't hear it. She couldn't believe that at forty moons he still inspired the same feelings in her as he had when she was younger.

450 words - muse good.

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[iPepper]

The noise of tiny, tiny steps in the grass ahead of him made Snakewind crouch low, eyes narrowed in concentration. He had never been a great hunter, always too clumsy and unfocused to excel in the area. That definitely didn't mean that he would starve if left to fend for himself, buy as a general rule he lost prey as much as he caught it. Focus was important for him. His tail swished back and forth as he crept forwards, paused as he saw a small mouse blissfully unaware of him, and pounced. The mouse let out a small squeak, but its noises were quickly silenced by Snakewind's teeth. He set the prey on the ground, looking around for any other movement.

There was a shuffle of paws behind him, much too large to be any regular prey. Snakewind spun around, eyes narrowed, almost expecting a badger or enemy warrior, though that was an absurd thought. The flash of grey he saw before his eyes focused on his new companion was as familiar to him as his own paws, and instantly made him wonder why he hadn't chose some other place to get away for some peace and quiet today so that he wouldn't have to face Willowheart.

"I've... I've been fine," he meowed when he finally found his voice. It wasn't fair that his tone had to be so emotionless when it had once been so passionate whenever he spoke to Willowheart. It wasn't fair that he had to avoid her gaze for fear of pleading her to reconsider her life, which wasn't possible, when he had once been able to stare at her eyes for an hour without getting bored. Life wasn't fair, though. Of course it wasn't. If life were easy, the woods would be teeming with prey and no kit would ever die of illness before they ever got a chance to live. He was forty-two moons old. It was high time to stop pining after her and move on with his life.

The silence stretched on for a second before he realized he should probably ask the question back; it was only polite. "And what about yourself?" At that point he made the mistake of looking her slim figure over. She was thin. Very thin. Leaf-bare had just ended, and so no cat was up to their usual size. The prey was just beginning to return and run thicker, but she should have more on her bones than she did, shouldn't she? She was the medicine cat, if she got ill because she didn't eat enough, the Clan was in for trouble. Her apprentice didn't know enough to cover for her while she was ill yet. "You need to eat more," he stated out of concern before he even realized he was speaking to shut himself up.

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[GHOSTIE. ♥]

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[atrb=background,http://i56.tinypic.com/2hxy14.png] He wouldn't look at her. She knew she'd caught him off guard by the way he spun around, but she also knew he recognized her as easily as she recognized him, and he didn't seem willing to look at her. She felt a pain in her chest so great that she thought her heart would explode. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair for her, and it definitely wasn't fair for him. She knew everything that had happened between them was her fault. She'd known what she was getting into by becoming Hawknose's apprentice, and she couldn't even blame him for it. He hadn't asked her to be his apprentice, she'd begged him for the position. Now she knew that he must have only given it to her in desperation. Even though she'd been a bright and dutiful apprentice, what had happened later in her life made it obvious that she hadn't been meant to become a medicine cat. She'd been meant to be a warrior with Snakewind. If she could go back in time, she knew what path she would take, and she knew it wouldn't be the life she was leading now. Always longing for something she could never ever have, waking in the middle of the night when the pain was too great. She wondered if he suffered the way she did. She hoped he didn't. She would never wish what she was feeling on anyone, which was why she'd been so reluctant to take an apprentice. But hopefully Mistpaw's life would be easier than hers. Somewhere deep in her heart, though, she couldn't help but hope that Snakewind was still in love with her. The thought of him not returning her feelings hurt worse than not being able to have him. Finally, he replied. But it wasn't like it used to be. His voice was as dead as she felt, and it caused her stomach to back flip with guilt. He had been so lively when they first met, so happy. They had been so in love and so careless. They didn't care if StarClan themselves disapproved, they were going to be together. But then reality came crashing down, and it was a cold harsh reality that chilled her to the bone to this very day. After a bit of a pause, he asked her how she was. If she were to answer honestly, she would tell him that she was hurting, that she was sicker than any cat she'd ever treated, and that she couldn't live without him. But instead she replied with, "Very busy, I've been working my paws off." Her voice, that was so warm toward her other Clanmates was low and toneless. She didn't really know what to say to him when she felt guilty for talking to him. She knew that was she was feeling for him was forbidden, and she knew that she couldn't just run away with him. "You need to eat more," She started a bit at his words, surprised by them. She couldn't help but feel a warmth spread over her body at his concern. She knew he still loved her, it was as plain as day, and while that comforted her it also caused terrible guilt to well up in her gut again. "I'll be okay, Snakewind."

[/color] She muttered. She knew that she wasn't eating the way she should, and she knew the clan couldn't afford to have her sick, but not only did she not have time to eat but she also just didn't feel like eating. She never did. In fact, if she did what she felt like she wouldn't do anything at all.

"I'm so sorry,"[/color] the words spilled from her lips and surprised her so much that her eyes widened a bit. But then, she felt a little better. So she parted her lips to continue speaking, "If there was any way for me to go back and choose a different path, I would."[/color] She looked down at her paws, and suddenly feelings of anger and regret washed over her. She slapped a rock on the ground in frustration, sending it flying. "But I can't."[/color] She hissed in a very low voice, she would be surprised if he heard it.

705 words - muse great!.

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[iPepper]

All kits can't wait to be apprentices. They yearn for the days when their paws will join the countless ones that pad through the Clan entrance, that train in the Grassy clearing, that confront trespassers at the borders and that take the journey each moon to The Great Oak to mingle with the other Clans. All apprentices can't wait to be Warriors. They want to be done with the training, the duties with the elder's, the strict day-to-day life scheduled by their mentors and of being in limbo between freedom and honourable responsibility. And warriors... well, in Snakewind's opinion and experience, they wanted to be kits or apprentices again. Carefree. No big decisions to make, no heartbreak, and no lingering heartache that lasts for moons and moons like an endless illness. Not that there was anything he could have done that would change the situation, other than maybe not fall for the beautiful gray she-cat, but who can control the heart?

"Of course... you've got an apprentice, now." For a moment, a foolish moment, when Snakewind had first heard that Willowheart had an apprentice, he had allowed a bit of hope to enter his heart. He'd remembered that Willowheart had had to stay on as a Medicine Cat because she couldn't leave the Clan defenceless against disease and injury. If she trained an apprentice, she could leave without leaving the Clan defenceless, and they could be together, even if it meant leaving their Clan. But that had been like a foolish kit's dream, and he'd quickly realized so. Her choice had been made. Her loyalty lay with StarClan, the warrior code, and the way of a medicine cat. She wouldn't just leave everything behind for a young love that hadn't even been touched spoken of in twenty moons.

"No you won't, not until you start eating." It was his instinctive worrying back from the days when they'd been so unashamed of their feelings for each other. Oh, why couldn't he just make an excuse and leave right now? Take his prey and- his prey. He turned to pick up his freshly caught mouse and place it between them. "Here's your opportunity. You're not doing anything that can't wait. Eat." He could catch another before returning to camp; or on his way back, as he was currently trying to tell himself to find the first possible excuse to leave.

For all she said, for all she confessed and all of the emotion she showed, Snakewind couldn't make himself show any. What she had said was what he knew, or at least had hoped very hard (for all but the last bit). It was all he had told himself for too long. Things would be changed, if they could go back in time. They would both be warriors, or they would both be far away from the Clan. They would both be happy and together and their love wouldn't have to force them apart for their Clan's sake. But time travel was a feat not yet accomplished by the Clans. What was the point of repeating such things if they were useless? "I know you would. And I know you can't." He stated simply, the same monotonous tone being used.

This was frustrating. Beyond frustrating. This is why he'd chosen that distancing themselves from each other was the best option moons ago. What was the use repeating the same old facts? Was it supposed to change them? It didn't. That was the simple fact of the matter. Things never changed, and hearing them again just opened fresh wounds.

"It doesn't make it any easier to hear," he sighed. "I just miss you."

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[GHOSTIE. ♥]

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[atrb=background,http://i56.tinypic.com/2hxy14.png] The conversation between the two cats was tense, something that caused a deep sadness in Willowheart. She wanted everything to be like it was when they were young so badly. She wanted to go back in time and make it all right, but she couldn't, something she had to tell herself often. She tried not to fantasize about the way things could have been, but she failed almost every night when she finally laid down in her nest to go to sleep. She would dream about how it would be, her in the queen's den, with Snakewind's kits. It was something she would give anything for, almost anything. She knew that if she left the clan to die she would never be happy again, but would that be so much of a difference as to how she felt right now? Unhappy, guilty for ruining Snakewind's life. She sighed heavily, hardly hearing what he said about her apprentice. For a time she'd thought about rushing through Mistpaw's training so she could step down from being the medicine cat, but that wouldn't be fair. Mistpaw wouldn't know everything she was supposed to know, and in the end, it was just unfair to the enthusiastic young cat. She deserved the apprenticeship that all apprentices had, not a rushed one because her mentor was selfish. She looked up at him when he started speaking again, and watched the mouse as it dropped at her paws. Her stomach was churning, more than usual, and she really didn't want it, but one look into his burning yellow eyes told her that she didn't really have any other choice. She suppressed a look of disgust as she bent down and took a few small bites from the creature. Immediately her stomach rumbled and the feeling of sickness left it. She devoured the mouse in a few more quick bites and looked up at him, licking her chops clean. A deep sadness poked at her heart, but she had to admit that after her meal she felt stronger and more like she could deal with the messed up thing she called her life. His response to her apology and emotional outburst was... disappointing and saddening. She sighed and looked down at her paws, scuffing the ground around with them. The anger and frustration from before had evaporated and she just felt sad. She didn't feel like collecting catmint and going back to camp to help Mistpaw finish up taking inventory. She just wanted to spend the night away from all of the cats, take some time for herself. But she wouldn't allow herself to be so selfish. Everyone would be worried, and a cat might get hurt in her absence. She always told Mistpaw or another warrior where she was going when she left camp so they could come get her in case of emergency. "It doesn't make it any easier to hear, I just miss you." She looked up at him slowly, tearing her mind away from her thoughts. She had to fight with herself not to pad over to him and snuggle up under his chin. She knew that would be wrong, she knew that would just cause them both more pain in the long run. But she wanted it so badly, if only for a second, some sort of physical interaction with him. But it wouldn't end there. If she allowed herself to do what she wanted they would be sneaking away all the time, and she would start shirking her duties, just like she had in the past. She was sure that Hawknose had known what was going on, but he didn't say anything to her. How could he? He'd been on his death bed, and he knew saying something to her would give her the opportunity to ask to step down as his apprentice. Hawknose hadn't been a mean cat, and he wouldn't have done something to make her unhappy for no reason, but the clan had needed someone to take over after he died. "I miss you too, Snakewind, more than I ever thought I could miss anything." She looked away from him with a sigh and then shrugged a bit. "Standing here talking about it isn't making either of us feel any better, would you care to help me carry catmint back to the clan?" She questioned softly as she stood up to walk toward it. She stopped suddenly and turned back to him, "Unless you have something else you need to do."

[/color] The next statement was even softer than the first, because she didn't want him to have something else to do. She wanted him to stay with her for a bit longer. She knew they could never be anything, not even friends, but they could at least stay in each others company for the day.

803 words - muse great!.

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[iPepper]

Was hearing she missed him supposed to make him feel any better? Was the world supposed to suddenly turn into a bright and cheery place all because Snakewind's almost-love didn't completely forget about him? No... it didn't. Not at all. Again it was one of those 'does not make it any easier to hear' situations that he despised so much. The truth was so much harsher and easier to understand than these 'I miss you but I can't be with you' and similar statements. Saying that emotions made no difference, they couldn't be together and that was the end of it, hurt to think about, yeah, but at least it didn't let any hope remain. "Yeah..." he sighed. It was all he could think of to say, really. It was all he wanted to say. Well, no, that wasn't true. He wanted to say a lot more, but the things he wanted to say couldn't be said. They were pointless.

After Willowheart had been sucked into the medicine cat world after her mentor's death, Snakewind hadn't really understood that that was the end of things. Clan members had forbidden relationships all the time. Sure, the consequences were harsh if caught, but wouldn't love be worth punishment? He'd never really said that to Willowheart then, though, afraid of being pushed down and told to stop being ridiculous. While the risk might have been worth it to him at the time, it may not have been worth it to her. After all, if she were in a relationship with him, was caught, and exiled, she left her Clan defenceless. If he was exiled there were warriors and apprentices to take his place and fill in the gap he left in the Clan structure. Her life was much more complicated than his was.

He hated the tension in the air between them, so real that he felt he could stretch out with his nose and touch it, meeting so much resistance that he couldn't move any further. It had never used to be like this, but that was apparent with the way the two acted and their whole history. He hated this more than words could ever express... but he was grown now. He couldn't act like a kit and pout and whine whenever life didn't go his way, as this certainly hadn't. He had to suck it up and move on. Part of his choice to do that had been to avoid Willowheart and the pain that being around her brought, but obviously he couldn't run away from her right now to continue doing so. Well, he could, but it would be quite insulting to the medicine cat, though he was sure she'd understand why he did it. Those small little words, 'unless you have something else you need to do' were his cue to run. To make some pathetic excuse about how he was supposed to help in an apprentice's training today, or had promised the clan deputy to lead a patrol. There were so many possible reasons he could run away and avoid being by her side any longer, but as much as he wanted to... he didn't want to. It seemed impossible that wanting to and not wanting to could go together, but apparently it could happen. "I won't lie and say I have somewhere else to be, so... Sure. I'll help out."

(Muse... why do you fail me on things for Snakewind to say? x.x)

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[GHOSTIE. ♥]

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[atrb=background,http://i56.tinypic.com/2hxy14.png] For a moment, when he didn't reply right away, her heart sank. She just knew he was making up some sort of reason to get away from her, and she couldn't blame him. After all, she was sure being around her just made him sad. She enjoyed his company to a point. She enjoyed being around him, but the way he made her feel made her guilty and sad all at the same time. She was a medicine cat, and what she felt for him was forbidden. She tried so hard not to feel it, but he was in her every waking thought, and in all of her dreams unless she was walking with StarClan. She was surprised StarClan would even speak with her, but they had all be alive once, most of them knew what it was like to love someone.. How hard it was if you couldn't have them. She knew she wasn't the only medicine cat who'd ever had forbidden feelings, and she knew that some medicine cats even acted on them. Something she would never do. Something.. She tried to never do. "I won't lie and say I have somewhere else to be, so... Sure. I'll help out." A feeling of warmth and happiness spread all over her body when he agreed to stay and help her. She knew that in the end this would only hurt both of them more, but after going twenty moons without the cat she loved more than anything, Willowheart was glad at the news. She knew they could never be friends, and she knew they couldn't see each other a lot.. But this one day.. Maybe it would last for awhile. Maybe it would quell her want for him until a day came when she could actually have him. She was sure they would both be elders by the time it happened, she was sure that they wouldn't be together for long in the living world. But when they died.. When they were in StarClan.. They could be together. They could live forever in the skies with their tails intertwined. The thought made her a bit happier, even if she would have to wait a long time for it. She grinned at him over her shoulder and waved her tail for him to follow her. She opened her mouth to scent for the catmint and soon came upon some. When he appeared beside her, she pointed to it with her nose. "Do you see that leafy plant right there that smells sweet? Bite it as close to the ground as you can and be careful not to swallow any." She felt bad that she wasn't teaching this to Mistpaw, but she could always bring her back. She knew she should have brought the little apprentice with her in the first place, but it was too late now. She bent down and opened her mouth to bite off part of the plant, but before she did so she muttered. "I'm glad you stayed."

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500 words - muse good.

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[iPepper]

"Well, since you don't have your apprentice with you I figured I should help out..." Okay, what was with the lame excuses of why he should or shouldn't stay? They were absolutely pathetic. Tension between them? Snakewind could suck it up easily. It hurt too much? Avoiding her wasn't going to heal any wounds. No apprentice with her? Would he really just abandon her to take two trips for herbs just to save himself from a bit of uncomfortableness? Why couldn't he just say the truth? He wanted to stay with her. He wanted to be with her, in any way possible, not matter how much it made reality hurt. Hell, even if the young cat, Mistpaw he thought her name was, had been around and Willowheart had asked him for help he would have said yes, no matter how conflicted his thoughts were on the matter. Any bit of stolen time near her was better than the awkward silence and separation they'd suffered for so long. Sure, he'd wake up tomorrow morning, remembering today, cursing his stupidity, and agreeing that he should have made an excuse and ran, but for now couldn't he try to be happy and put aside the bitter thoughts? Couldn't he try to act normal?

He'd never had much interest in being a medicine cat. Being a warrior with (what he'd thought of as a possibility when he was an apprentice) a mate and a family had always seemed like the better option to him. He agreed that there was something honorable in being a medicine cat, obviously, serving your Clan to the absolute best of your abilities without the use of violence. Medicine cats were, in many cases, the difference between life and death for injured or ill cats. But why did Willowheart have to be one? Any cat but her would have been fantastic. Any cat but the one he loved would have been perfect.

Snapping himself out of his moping thoughts he directed his attention to the plants she was pointing out to him, nodding along as he looked down at the leafy medicine. Snakewind held back, watching her as she moved forwards to collect some of the leaves, speaking to him before she did. The black tom tensed yet again. He felt so stiff whenever she actually spoke to him as an individual instead of just directing and giving orders, but he'd have been a fool if he'd expected no conversation to pop up as the two were around each other. "Like I said, I had nothing else to do and-" Oh shut up! a little voice in the back of his head growled at him. The stupid excuses again. They wouldn't stop coming. He needed to end them! Just say the truth! The truth, remember that? Speaking without deceit and trickery? Try it. It's good for your health. "I mean... I-I'm glad to spend time around you." The words came out haltingly, like a nervous apprentice's confession to his crush, though there wasn't anything profound about what he'd said. "Kind of like how it used to be..."

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