[Soul/Cloudedsoul] -- battered, beaten & broken

[!!elissebear]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/riddle2.jpg] The world was ending, or so it seemed, but my mind was just playing tricks on me. My heart was broken and I just couldn’t deal with it all right now. My old friend hated me and I had showed him how little I cared about that. At least in front of him. I wasn’t sure I could deal with this. My loyalty felt split in two. I shut my eyes against the harsh pain at the back of them. My head ached and my heart hurt. How was I supposed to handle this? Would my clan look at me with scorn and shame now because I had spoken to someone from another clan? Fear boiled hard and cold in my heart and mind. No, I couldn’t deal with that. Would I have to leave because they would chase me out? That couldn’t happen! I wanted to be a warrior. A warrior of Brookclan, nowhere else seemed like home to me. I loved it in Brookclan. I had friends there. Felines who cared about me. I stalked into the shadows; ready to hide my feelings and emotions. I laid down where I thought no one could see me and let the sorrow hit me. Everything seems to be getting worse. Nothing ever got better. Sounds of the night echoed in my ears. The argument and the accusations that I had heard and seen in Wolfpaw’s eyes still lingered with me. I turned my head away from it; laying them on my paws and trying to make it all go away. I’d never felt this sad or lost before. Not even after I lost everyone and everything I loved. That was about the time I decided I couldn’t sit still any longer. I rose quickly and took off at a run. I didn’t go too far from the camp, but I needed to feel the air hit my face and the beat of the Earth under my paws. That was all I needed and all I wanted right now. I closed my eyes and just lost myself in all that I was feeling. It was good to be lost in my own thoughts and in a world that belonged only to me. I didn’t want to always have to go there, I wanted to be able to go to someone else about my issues, but right now this was all I had. I came back to the camp, standing back from the entrance, but peering down into it. I couldn’t sit and I stayed away from others. This was horrible. I turned away and raced toward the shadows of the camp. I didn’t want to be seen. I didn’t think I could afford to be seen. My limbs gave out in the shadow created by the warrior’s den and I lay there, unmoving and hoping to be hidden away from sight. I didn’t want to be seen, nor did I want to be talked to. That was what I thought anyways. Maybe I really did want someone by my side, but right now I couldn’t handle that, not in the least. I closed my eyes against all these crazy emotions and sniffled lightly, trying not to make a sound, but my soft mews of despair were hard to keep within my being. I bit my bottom lip hard, tasting the salty tang of my own blood. It wasn’t a taste I enjoyed, but it was the only thing that kept me feeling even remotely sane right now. Pain seemed to be all I could or would feel in my life. Where were the days of my kithood, when all was good? Gone. Long gone. speaking word count -- 613 tag -- Cloudedsoul/Soul comments -- wow. lots of emotion for little Riddlepaw. muse -- good

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[Soul]

Cloudedsoul hung his head as he climbed out of his nest and out of the warriors den. His heart racing due to a terrible nightmare of his parents. They till haunted him, in dreams and when he was awake. Alway the expectation to get hit across the face by a paw with claws extended. Or his fathers limp body, soaked and cold. He wasn't good enough to even live with his father. It only made everything better, his fathers death. Now cloudedsoul didn't have to deal with him at all. The only thung left of either of his parents were a fragment of his mind in which they still were tyrants. Blazeheart never had a problem after their deaths and nither did Brokenfang, so why did It affect him so much? He was bothered knowing that he was still bothered by them. It wasn't fair, that he had to suffer this alone. They always treated brokenfang better then anyone else only because she was blinded. Yet when Cloudedsoul was injured they didn't care. He still had to be the best warrior in the clans, and even then they still wouldn't be proud of him.

He shook his head clear of thoughts about his parents. To clear his head he went out alone. The territory was the perfect place to be alone, seeing as there was always a cat in the camp. He slowly limped out of the camp. Feeling the stares of other cats burn through his pelt down to his skin. They always thought he was the cause of his fathers death, because they always knew he didn't like his parents. They thought he was the mean one. Seems to him like no one will ever understand him because they never knew the true nature of his parents. He was finally clear of the clan and their unwelcoming stares. For being a clan born cat he sure seemed unwelcome. Now starting to become enraged at how unfair everything was. He couldn't take his anger out on anything because of his stupid shoulder. Tears started forming in his eyes. It wasn't fair. A rustle could be heard of a patrol. Unavle to face any cats right now, he ran. Akwardly, because of his limp so he wasn't very fast, and he was noisy. The wind dried the tears from his tri-colored face. He stumbled back into camp. Trying to avoid the burning glances of his clanmates. He limped around the ends of the camp toward the shadows around the dens. Instead of seeing the walls of the camp, he could make out a small figure. As he lipmed closer he could make out who it was, Riddlepaw.

Unknowingly his paws kept moving forward toward her. Before he knew it he was sitting in the shadows near her. He stayed silent for a bit before thinking of something. "Why are you hiding?"[/b] He didn't even fell like talking to anyone, but Riddlepaw seemed to be in a worse mood.[/size]

[!!elissebear]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/riddle2.jpg] This was one of those nights I would regret being happy about. I’d been so excited to be out in the forest alone for the first time, see all there was to see and hear all there was to hear. Now, I just wanted to drown myself. My ice blue gaze shifted over the cats and camp before me, not allowing my gaze to fall down into the puddle I hadn’t realized was before me. The moon’s reflection in the water had me almost rising to my paws, but I didn’t want to so I turned away, avoiding the hypnosis that the slowly shifting surface put on me. I could deal with almost anything, but not this. Knowing that my kithood home was just around the corner was hard for me to take in. I didn’t want to allow it to smolder under the surface, I wanted to let it all out now. Yowl at the sky at the top of my lungs and demand WHY. Why was this happening? Why did I have to be from another clan? Why did I have to feel ashamed in myself when I’D done nothing wrong? The pain in my chest constricted tighter and I shut my eyes, trying to hide the fear. Hide the pain. Hide all the emotions that welled up inside. I didn’t hear him come forward. My guardian angel that is, little did I know that was what I would come to see him as. He was silent on this night, or so it seemed to my unhearing ears; moving without making noise or stirring up the bits of debris around him. The only reason I even knew that he’d shown up was when he spoke and I listened to those words without reacting. I didn’t say anything, just tilted my ears toward him to catch anything else he might say, but no more words came. How was it that when I didn’t want to be found, someone always stubble acrossed me? A slow sigh escaped my slightly parted kissers and tilted my head around to look at him with sad azul pools. “Oh, hello Cloudedsoul.” The words were but a mere breath as I rose from my laying position to sit and stare at him. He was something I didn’t want here right now, but for some reason I knew I could talk to him, even if I felt lost. No one knew who I was or where I came from. They just knew that I was a cat from another place. That something awful had happened and I’d left. Left to run from a past that to this day still haunts my every step. Was I sure I could tell him this? No. Did I realize that I had to tell him? No. I didn’t realize that he could possibly save me from myself. Drawing in a deep breath, I closed my eye and just imagined the words. They were there. Right on the surface of my mind, ready to be spoken freely to a tom that I hardly knew, but no they wouldn’t form or come out of my mouth. I feared them. I feared anyone knowing that about me and I tried will all my might to shove it away and keep it to myself. My gaze wondered to the ground and my paw played over the dirty ground in an absent minded way. My head tilts to the side as my eyes watch that paw, mesmerized only because I can’t bring myself to look Cloudedsoul in the eye. I don’t want to see what might or might not be there. What if I do tell him and he runs me out? What if he tells the rest of the clan and they ALL run me out? I swallow that down and it left a sour taste on my tongue and in the back of my throat. Like I’m going to be sick any moment and I can’t stop it from happening. Fear was a snake. A filthy one that coils around your heart and shatters it, that was all I could think about. Shifting from side to side, I looked away from him with a nervous glance. Why was I acting this way? There was nothing to fear, I didn’t even have to tell him anything. He was just asking me what was wrong. I could lie through my teeth or give him a half-truth. I swallowed slowly, then locked my winter blue eyes on him. My chest tightened like a viper wrapped around it’s pray. Why!? Why did I suddenly feel tongue tied? Why did this happen when all I did was look in his eyes? My limbs trembled under my weight and I thought I might collapse, but something kept me from moving at all. I’d talked to many toms, but this one. It just felt wrong for me to so much as tell him anything, but the truth. I knew than what I had to do. I would tell him what was in my heart, but not what ate at my mind. That was considered lying, that was giving him the truth of how I really felt. I looked at him sharply, the sadness coating my features in such a way that it burned deep into my soul. “You’ll think I’m weak. . . or foolish, but I miss my family!” I tried to say the words as clearly as I could, but I choked on them half way through and curled up on the ground once more, eyes closed as tightly as I could shut them squeezing them against the thrum of pain and hurt. Wolfpaw, talking to him, had only brought these memories back; had only caused my suffering to return. I’d never felt the pain this deeply and now, now I wished that I had died next to them and I couldn’t hold those words back now, “I should have died. I should have, but I didn’t.” Without thinking, my head lifted and my eyes locked onto Cloudedsoul’s, “Why? Why didn’t I die that day too?” speaking word count -- 1018 tag -- Cloudedsoul/Soul comments -- so long. oh well, got acrossed lots oh emotions muse -- AMAZING

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[Soul]

Cloudedsoul lost what he was thinking about and instead focused on Riddlepaw. Other cats problems seemed to him more importiant than his own, but this particular apprentice's problems seemed to worry him more than others. He was more determined to help her than any other cats. It confused him as to why, but he shruged it off for now. His gaze was full of concern. He question surprised him. "Starclan must have something planned for you. I think you will definately go far."[/b] He looked out at the clan with a cold look. "I wonder 'why' all the time. At least you had family that wanted and cared for you."[/b] He said feeling as though he could trust her. He turned to look back at her. His eyes filled again with concern. "You lived because someone wanted you. Someone cared. You are going to go somewhere with your life."[/b]

He for a moment wished that he had that instead of his past, but He quickly regreted it. He didn't wish his past on any cat, especially her. He placed his tail on her shoulder, "I know it doesn't seem fair, but at least you get to make them proud while your alive." He was terrible with words, but he felt like he had to say something. Deep down without knowing he cared. [/size]

[!!elissebear]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/riddle2.jpg] This was one of those rare moments when I wished that I could read another cat’s mind. I knew he was my rock right now. I needed him to be my rock. The thing that kept me standing when it felt like everything else was falling apart. I wasn’t used to admitting to myself that I really did need someone as my support. Admitting that was hard, really hard but I did it anyways. He was so sweet and so kind. It was hard to imagine that he cared at all about what I was saying, but here he was, giving me the support and care that I so desired. It wasn’t hard for me to accept it. It was good to know that I had someone who would make me feel better when I felt so lost. His caring was only making me forget why I’d come out here and maybe that was what I needed. Maybe I just needed forget it all and not think about it, but how could I not? I had friends in Hillclan. Friends I hadn’t seen in awhile, but they were friends none the less. I sniffled lightly and tried to keep my mind in a more stable place. A place where it was just Cloudedsoul and me and no one would judge me for the things I said. No one else mattered. Was I doing the right thing by telling him all of this? I wasn’t sure. Really, I was scared that I was telling him anything or that I was telling him too much. Admitting to all of this was like telling him that I’d killed my own mother. Which I hadn’t, but that was how it felt. Brookclan, Pantherstar, had taken me in without really questioning who I was. They allowed me to learn from them and share food with them. I wasn’t fully accepted by all, they felt like Pantherstar had let me in far too easily, but most of them accepted me and that was good. It meant that those that did accept me didn’t let the others try to scare information out of me. It was nice knowing that they actually cared about me, but that was it. I didn’t have a family here. There was no one to keep me here or there. So, why did I stay? I stayed because I had nowhere else and at least others cared at all. Like Leopardpaw. I was more than positive that he was one of the reasons I stuck around. One of the reasons I didn’t just leave. So, why did I think that I was a fool to tell him? My eyes were squeezed shut when I moved forward and my face brushed against his chest, but I needed to feel another cat, whether or not I was close to them. I needed to know I was in the here and now, not back there. I leaned into the touch. Enjoyed the feeling of it all. I knew that I was being foolish, touching someone that I wasn’t close to, but there was no fighting this pull. My eyes turned to him and they were wide with surprise at his words. Without thinking about what I was going, I shoved up and pushed my head lightly against the curves of his neck and good shoulder, my chest brushing against his in the process. “Thank you, Cloudedsoul. I needed to hear that.” The words were tight with emotion, but came out none the less. He was a dream. That was all I could tell myself. I was asleep and he was a dream. When I woke up, he’d be nowhere in sight and I would be a complete mess once more, but I didn’t care. If it was dream or reality, I would always hold his words close. Why was he my safety blanket right now? Why couldn’t I have found him sooner? Only Starclan had these answers and right now, I was only slightly mad at them. Mad that they’d taken my parents in the first place and mad that they hadn’t guided Cloudedsoul to me from the start of all these horrible things. I drew in a deep breath and just stayed as close to him as I could. He was all I needed right now. He could make me feel better, when I felt like I was falling apart. That was when I realized that he was older than me and I hardly knew him. I jumped back and had I been human my face would have been red with embarrassment. “Um. . .” My mouth hung open like an idiot and I quickly closed it before sitting down and vigorously licking the hair on my chest, trying to flatten it down after my sudden jump. “I’m sorry, Cloudedsoul. That was totally uncalled for on my part. . . I mean. . . Um. . .” I stumbled over my own words and felt more the fool for doing it. I looked away from him quickly feeling like I was on fire with this emotions and this harsh embarrassment. I was an idiot! That was the only thing I could say. I shouldn’t be called Riddlepaw, I should be called Idiotpaw. speaking word count -- 877 tag -- Cloudedsoul/Soul comments -- song inspired muse -- AMAZING songs -- The Last Night by Skillet Heartbeat by Stereo Skyline She's Got The Rhythm by The Summer Set Here In Your Arms by HelloGoodbye

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[Soul]

Cloudedsoul, instead of pulling away, unintentionally leaned in a bit. Maybe to show that he would be there if she needed. Somewhere he wanted he to fell safe to tell him anything, but thats not something that he was going to say. It was unlike him to even trust anyone besides his siblings. He wasn't acting like himself, but around her it felt like it was normal. He was surprised to find that he enjoyed her touch. Her warmth. Why, is what confused him. He didn't know her all to well, yet it felt like a lifetime. He was surprised to hear her say thank you though. He didn't quite think he said anything that would help. "Your welcome."[/b] When she pulled away he could see her embarrassment. He laughed, "It's okay. No need to fret."[/b] His pelt was a little hot with embarrassment also. He waould have been happy to have helped any cat, but helping her made him excited and happy. "I'll be here whenever you need me."[/b] he commented.

He got really hot now, noticing how funny that sounded. Especially coming from him. Blazeheart was normally the one to solve problems and enjoy it. It wasn't exaclty something Cloudedsoul went around doing. His heart raced, and for a moment he thought he knew why. As soon as he knew, the thought disappered.
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[!!elissebear]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/riddle2.jpg] I’d never known another cat to understand my pain. No one wanted to understand it either, yet here stood Cloudedsoul and he was being so kind and he got it. He didn’t look down on the fact that I hadn’t been born here. He made me feel almost normal by treating me how everyone in my old clan would have treated me. He accepted me for all my differences and I loved it. I loved feeling like I belonged here. That was all I wanted. I wanted to belong somewhere and be cared for like I would have been had I been in my birth clan. My chest swelled with this odd, new feeling. I always hoped someone would understand me and take me in. I hoped that Cloudedsoul would be a sort of guide for me. That was all I wanted. I wanted to learn to be a warrior and I couldn’t do that unless someone saw something in me. I was loyal and I believed that this can was where I belonged. I hadn’t felt this way in a long, long time. My old clan, yes I’d been born into it, but I’d never felt like I was at home. Feeling him lean in almost brought my head up, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t bring myself to look into his eyes when I’d already moved away from him. He was familiar. I’d smelled him in the warrior’s den along with the others, when I’d gone in on orders to help clean it out, but his had always stuck out. He was comforting, reminding me that I was someplace safe, even if no one talked to me and everyone turned their back on me when I walked out of a den. I knew where I was. I drew in his scent, and moved forward once more, pressing my face closer to his warm smell. I rubbed my cheek against his face and I almost felt like I was home again, with my family. I knew I wasn’t, but all that mattered was this secure feeling. I knew I was home. I was home in a place I had not been born into, but where my heart had called me. I wondered for a moment what Cloudedsoul thought of me? I knew I’d made a friend in him, but what else had I made out of him? He was handsome. Very handsome really and I just wasn’t about to admit that. I wanted to keep him a friend and keep my crush, if that was what you could call it, to myself. His words had my heart leaping up into my throat. I’d never been told that by anyone. I’d never felt so cared for. This was what it was like to have someone I could see being a true friend. There was no way I couldn’t believe his words. He was too kind a feline to say something like that and turn around and not keep true to them. I kept my head where I had moved it and let out a sigh. I didn’t feel like I should jump away like I had the first time. I knew deep down though, I wasn’t some she-cat that could be coddled and taken care of all the time. I’d always been a free spirited sort and I was sure I would forever be that way, but for now I could deal with it. It wasn’t like this happened often and it made me feel comfortable. “Thank you, Cloudedsoul. You’re very kind. If you ever need someone to talk too, you can talk to me.” I rubbed my forehead into his neck before pulling away and gazing at the sky above us. There was a sweet smile upon my features and I slid my gaze toward him. There was a bit of playfulness on my features as I flicked my tail from side to side. I was trying to change my mood from the somber sadness to something exciting and playful. With a gentle paw, I lifted it and lightly taped his face with it before rising and bouncing away to crouch before him. “Let’s get out of this sad state and have a little fun.” The words were stated on a voice that rolled with a soft giggle. Yes, I was trying to have as much fun in my life as I could. I would live a happy full life, even if it only contained friends and my clan. I knew that Cloudedsoul was not like the other warriors. I knew he had a bit of a limp from an old wound, but still. Playing was much more fun than sitting around frowning. I would go easy on him anyways and it was a good way for me to work on things. You could never underestimate an opponent. speaking word count -- 809 tag -- Cloudedsoul/Soul comments -- I think she had mood swings sometimes. muse -- AMAZING songs -- She's Got The Rhythm by The Summer Set Here In Your Arms by HelloGoodbye

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[Soul]

She had just made his day go from a normal terrible day, to a good day. Good days were rare for him. He pondered as to why being around her made him feel that way. No one else did. He nearly disliked everyone in the clan, so how did she manage to do that in such a short time? It was like she had broken into his small little world that only consisted of him and his siblings. No one else had broken into this fortress that he protected himself with. She was like an intruder that he was letting in so willingly. What made her different? Maybe because she had problems like he did. Maybe because of her personality. He wondered and for a moment stopped wondering and smiled on the inside. Enjoying a moment of his life actually being around another cat. He accidently let out a purr. Noticing it his pelt went hot with embarressment.

Hearing her say what she did backed his thought that he could trust her. Having another cat to talk to? This was new to him. Even having a friend. Most cats blaimed him for his fathers death, so they kept their distance but close enough to give him dirty looks when he passed by. She might even get the same treatment. Seeing as she wasn't from this clan. But what differenxe did that make? All that matters is where she was now. And right now she was with him, close by, and thats all he cared about. "You can talk to me anytime also."[/b] He said with slight excitment in his voice.

Her playfulness came out and surprised Cloudedsoul. But he simply followed suit. Crouching down in an akward position, he playfully pounced at her. [/size]

[!!elissebear]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/riddle2.jpg] This made me think of the good old days, when I was young and knew what life and fun was. I could have that again. I was starting over and making thing better for myself. This was what I needed. No matter what Wolfpaw said, this was the life that I needed. I had friends and love. Well, not love really, but cats that I counted as family. Sure, I would never find another cat like Dustpaw, but I had Silverpelt who have become someone very loved and close to my heart. She was my sister here for all intents and purposes. It was all I could ever want or at least I thought. When I’d seen Wolfpaw, I realized I could want more. I remembered that heart stopping crush I’d once had on him and now, I noticed that I didn’t have it anymore. He was still special to me and important, but I didn’t love him like I thought I once did. I looked at Cloudedsoul and wondered for a moment if maybe he thought the same way I did. I wondered if he wanted more in life than just the bad memories of whatever had happened to him I would have asked, but my mind didn’t want to dwell on it all. There was no way I could think about love and other things when my life was so messed up and chaotic. I drew in a deep breath before releasing it. We were two cats just having fun. A gentle grin touched my lips as I watched him. Normally ice blue eyes, a melted liquid blue as I spoke to him, “No matter what anyone says, Cloudedsoul, you have a good heart.” The words were soft and loving almost. Well, maybe not loving, but caring. He was so sweet and I couldn’t believe that the clan looked at him like a monster some days. He wasn’t a monster at all. He was charming and lost. Just like me. I was often lost and confused in my life, but I was still a sweet feline no matter what others thought about me. That was what I’d come to think about him in this short time that we’ve been standing here talking. There was just no getting around the fact that I saw the better in others and talking to him for just these moments was a pure and utter blessing. It was freedom. My ears twitched forward and my nose drew in the scent of Cloudedsoul. This way I would know what he was doing and not be distracted by anything else. Sure, I didn’t know him well, but that was okay. We would get to know each other soon enough and that was all that really mattered here. My tail twitched as I crouched and leaped, jumping out at him. I landed just in front of him and reared up on my back paws. My claws were sheathed and I would never harm a clan mate. I liked my life here and it was only made better that was I able to get this sullen tom to play along with me. A tempting smile touched my lips as I flopped back down into a rather loud crouch. I was sure that would get a laugh or end up in me being reprimanded for bad behavior, which that was what landing loudly was considered. What did I care though? I was only having fun and that was what life was about. Having fun and spending time with your clan, so long as you still took care of them. That was what had always mattered in life. speaking word count -- 609 tag -- Cloudedsoul/Soul comments -- none muse -- good

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[Soul]

Cloudedsoul took a deep breath of the crisp cold air around him. This was the most fun he had had in a long time. He felt joy rise in his small, sorry heart. His eyes brightened with a small glimmer of excitement. "The same could be said about you Riddlepaw. Except…"[/b] He accidentally said something from the bottom of his heart, and even though it may have been nice, it rarely happened. He didn’t speak of those sorts of things with anyone. He had to think for a moment, of something else to say. ”…..Of course you have a longer time for others to realize that about you. I’m not quite as lucky.”[/b] He licked down his chest hairs in an attempt to avoid what he might have said. ‘Maybe one day…’ he thought to himself. He looked back up at her and if he could, he would have smiled out of embarrassment.

His eyes glimmered with the excitement of being accepted by someone other than those related to him. He felt like he could jump out of his pelt, or almost run around the camp for a moon. Finally someone that understood, that he could talk to, and he wouldn’t have ran into he if he didn’t try to hide from the others. [/size]

OOC: Sorry it took me so long for me to reply, and that my posts are so short...